"Is that why you're so mean to me!?" one of my advisees yelled out at a recent meet up. A little taken aback, I responded, "I'm not mean to you more than I'm mean to anyone else." Then I had to think about that. I retracted. I don't think I'm mean to you. I think I'm honest. I believe one of the most compassionate things we can do in life is help people reach their goals and help them grow. It is so easy to look past people's flaws, accept them, hope for better for them, and leave it at that. To me, that feels cowardly in this work. I obviously am not going to point out ALL of someone's flaws, but if someone's flaws are going to keep them out of medical school, then yes, I am going to say something. I think sometimes I'm tired, quick, and without patience, and my feedback may come out as curt. That isn't my intention. I never want to hurt anyone. I simply want to move you forward quickly, and I do not have time to sugar coat all of my feedback or sandwich it between two compliments. You are not children. You are not my employees. You are paying me for my expertise. I am less concerned about how you feel and more concerned about your success. I've always joked that I don't care if you hate me, as long as you get into medical school. That is why I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I've learned to be ok with that.
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